Penguins
by horses929
Summary: Bella is not the perfect vampire. Like every new-born she thinks of one thing: human blood. Not wanting to cause the deaths of any more hikers, Bella makes a drastic decision. How will the Cullens handle living solely off of seafood on an isolated island?
1. Chapter 1: Blood Thirst

Chapter 1: Blood Thirst (Bella)

Today was the last Friday of June; it was summer vacation. Most people, humans more specifically, were rejoicing because of this. Many high school students were planning road trips, hanging out with friends, finding summer jobs, going to camp and/or preparing for college. My family, however, was celebrating for a different reason: no more pretending to be human; we could be vampires.

To celebrate the end of the school year, and the end of our charade, we had all decided to take a trip with our spouses. Emmet and Rosalie went to Africa; Jasper and Alice went to South America; while Carlisle and Esme went on a tour of Europe.

Edward and I had opted to stay a little closer to home. We simply took a 'hiking' trip to the Rocky Mountains. There was plenty of big game to satisfy our thirst; however, there were also a large number of tourists camping. That one fact slipped had our minds completely… or at least my husband's. We were 'vegetarian' vampires; the tourists should not have been a problem; they weren't for Edward. I, however, had a dilemma. I could voice my fears of straying from my desired diet and ruin the trip for us, or I could tough it out and resist the humans. I chose the latter.

That turned out to be a mistake.

Our goal was to go to the peaks of the mountains, high enough that there was not enough oxygen for humans. This also meant that we had limited choices for meals, so we had to go down the mountain to find more food. It was Sunday, the third day of our trip. We had traveled several hundred feet down the mountain in a matter of seconds and had started our hunt. Edward and I had shared three mountain lions, two grizzly bears and countless deer. Edward was full; I, being a new-born, was not. I was searching for more game and was Edward casually running behind me when the wind changed direction. I picked up on a new scent.

"No," Edward whispered in fear and disbelief. Fear for the innocent now being hunted. Disbelief because he knew he wouldn't be able to stop me.

He had picked up on the scent a split-second after I had. But that portion of a second was enough to give me a head start. I tore off through the woods in search of the deliciously sweet scent. Edward caught up to me quickly and tackled me to the ground; even a new-born I was still slower. Although he was faster, I was stronger. I shook him off easily and kept running. Finally, my prey was in sight.

A thundering growl ripped through me as I launched myself at the hikers. I grabbed one and drained him quickly. Edward grabbed me and tried to pull me away but I was in a feeding frenzy. I pushed him off of me and growled threateningly. Edward knew there was nothing he could do now; I was in what I called 'new-born mode.' I quickly drained two other hikers. As I held the last hiker, the fourth, I looked into his eyes. I saw nothing but fear and confusion. I sunk my teeth easily into his neck. When I pulled away I looked into his eyes again. They were wide open, frozen forever in fear. It was then that I came to my senses. I gently closed the eyelids of my last victim; I could not look at the frozen eyes anymore. At least if they were closed, he looked a little more peaceful.

I dropped the corpse before collapsing to the ground, surrounded by my kills. My body shook with tearless sobs. Edward sat down beside me and scooped me into his lap.

"Shhhh," he whispered, "it's not your fault. I should have been able to stop you. I should have been able to hear their thoughts before you caught their scents. I should have been able to stop this. You did nothing wrong…"

"Stop it!" now I was angry, "Stop blaming yourself. It's my fault. I lost control and killed those people. Not you."

"Bella…" he started.

"No," I stopped him. "I did everything wrong. I thought I was stronger than that. I resisted humans in Forks; why couldn't I stop myself here?" I asked in a harsh whisper.

"You were already hunting; you had let your instincts take over and ignored your self-concise. You caught the scent of the humans and you didn't think about right or wrong, or the fact that you strive to resist human blood. You are a new-born, and you were thirsty. When vampires are thirsty, they hunt," he explained. "What you did was only natural."

I knew he was trying to comfort me, to tell me it wasn't my fault. However, it was _my_ fault; _I_ killed these people. Their deaths were because of _my _lack of self control, not his. Knowing that this was a lost cause, that Edward's opinion would not change I sighed and stood up. We had to get rid of the bodies.

"What should we do with them?" I asked pointing at the four carcasses scattered between the trees.

"We could make it look like they were attacked by a bears. It will be a while before anyone realizes that they are missing. It'll be even longer before they are found."

I stared sadly at the bodies for a few moments. Realizing that I wanted nothing to do with these deaths anymore, Edward raced around at vampire speed. He distorted the bodies with gashes and other wounds. He finished and I had to admit that it really did look like a bear attack. It saddened me further to know the reason behind his need for this knowledge.

After the Incident, as I call it, Edward and I called it quits and we flew back to Forks. I was surprised to find that Alice and Jasper were already waiting for us in the door way when we arrived. Of course, I really shouldn't have been surprised; Alice must have seen the whole thing, from the beginning of the hunt to the decision to return home.

I walked up the front steps at a slow human pace. Edward was racing around at vampire speed putting our things away. When I reached the top of the stairs, Alice embraced me in a tight hug.

"Bella, it's okay. Everyone slips up and you're only a new-born. You didn't do it on purpose. Just remember that you feel guilty while most vampires find pleasure in killing humans. That's what makes a difference."

"Thank you," I murmured.

"Jasper wants to talk to you."


	2. Chapter 2: Condolences

Chapter 2: Condolence (Bella)

"_Jasper wants to talk to you."_

When I pulled away from her hug I glanced next at the empty space next to her. Jasper had been standing there moments before; I could only assume he had left while Alice was talking to me. I nodded in understanding. No one in the Cullen family had killed more than Jasper had; that, combined with his gift, made him a perfect candidate to help comfort me.

"He's in our room," Alice told me. She pulled me into another hug before releasing me quickly. I nodded again and ran up to Alice and Jasper's room. Jasper was sitting on the bed.

"The amount of guilt and depression you're feeling is killing me," he told me dejectedly. Either he was reflecting on his past or I really was having a large effect on his emotions. Sometimes I do feel sorry for Jasper. His gift must be a really tough one to have.

"Bella, I can feel your emotions," he stated with a chuckle. "I really hope your pity isn't for me; there is no reason for it. I have no idea why you feel sympathetic, but stop. This is about you."

"You're right, Jasper. I'm sorry. It's just… sometimes I feel bad for you, you know? It must be so hard to deal with your gift," I found myself explaining. I was probably just delaying the talk that was about to occur.

"It's alright," he chuckled, grinning widely. I grinned back. After a quick moment his smile faded and his features took on a serious appearance; my expression dimmed as well.

"So…" he hesitantly started; I knew what was coming. At vampire speed I sat down beside him on the bed and looked at him apprehensively in a matter of seconds.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" he tentatively asked. I nodded. He frowned in reply; that was definitely _not_ the answer he was looking for. He wanted me to at least begin talking about the Incident; after all, he was here to comfort me and help me.

Sighing I whispered, "I can't believe myself. I thought I had control. I thought I was better than this. I already drank one and a half mountain lions, one grizzly bear and many deer and I was still thirsty." He looked at me quizzically. I was confused now, what had I said that was unclear?

"Oh," I proclaimed as I realized the problem: how did I drink half of a mountain lion and not finish it? "Edward and I shared the animals. We killed a total of three mountain lions, two grizzlies," I explained, "and a hell of a lot of deer." He chuckled at that.

"What exactly happened after you finished the one and a half mountain lions, the bear and the deer?" he asked.

"I was looking for more animals; Edward was already full and he was following me. I caught the scent of some hikers and I couldn't help myself. I took off towards them. Edward grabbed me and tried to stop me; but I'm still stronger than him," I told him, "I doubt even Emmet would be able to stop me. Edward tried to stop me twice, but twice I kept going. Then, I saw them. There were four hikers. I killed three of them; but when I looked in the eyes of the fourth I stopped myself. The fear and confusion in his eyes made me realize what I had done. Even after that, I still drank his blood; I knew I couldn't leave him alive and the new-born vampire part of me was still thirsty." I looked at Jasper; I felt so guilty and I was horrified with myself. All of the sudden I felt better, relieved. I knew that my emotions weren't the source of this new feeling: it was all Jasper.

"Everyone slips up, Bella. We are designed to kill; you know that most of us do it without regret. You at least feel guilty; you are fighting the bloodthirsty monster that we are. You care, and that's what makes all the difference in the world. With more time and practice your resolve and control will strengthen. One day, you will be able to go on a hunting trip and ignore the humans," he encouraged.

"Thank you," I muttered as I embraced him. He hugged me back.

"I mean, look at me!" he exclaimed, pulling out of the hug, "I killed people without even thinking about it. I had no guilt; I thought that it was what I was meant to do. For hundreds of years I killed people without the slightest bit of remorse."

I just nodded in understanding. The feeling of comfort washed over me; Jasper was doing his thing. This was exactly why I was here, why he and Alice were home: Jasper, who knew what I was going through, could help me more than anyone else right now.

"I'm sure Edward is waiting to see how you're doing," Jasper said, "he's probably in his old room or your cottage." But as Jasper spoke Edward, who had probably heard the whole conversation, opened the door and wrapped his arms around me.

For the millionth time I wondered how such a perfect creature could have ever wanted me, a run of the mill human. But then I remembered that I was no longer that small, fragile, clumsy human; I was a strong, beautiful, coordinated vampire. It was not so difficult to believe that he loved me anymore.

Without removing his arms from around me, Edward led me back to his old room. He sat on his black leather couch and pulled me onto his lap. For the longest time, but still not long enough, he held me. We didn't say anything, we didn't need to, even though I had my shield up he still could tell what I was thinking; our bond was so strong that he didn't need his gift.

"None of this is your fault," he whispered, breaking the silence.

"It's not your fault, you can stop blaming yourself," I replied; Edward frowned because he knew I was right.

"How about we make a deal? It wasn't either of our faults. I won't blame myself if you stop blaming yourself. It's a compromise," he suggested. I sighed in frustration. What was it with him and his compromises? He made a compromise for everything: for me to be changed, for us to get married, for our first time, for everything!

"I don't know… you might not be able to follow through on your part of the bargain. I know that you will be wallowing regardless of the deal or not," I only half-joked.

"Bella," he sighed exasperatedly.

"Besides," I said more seriously, "I can't not blame myself! How could I?"

"Bella, listen. _We. Are. Vampires_." He emphasized each word. "We have all killed people. You already talked to Japser, you know Rosalie's story and I told you about my 'rebellious' years. Carlisle feels like he killed Esme, Rosalie, Emmet, and me when he turned us. You cannot take the blame for what happened!"

I sighed; I knew he was right and he knew it too.

His voice lowering, Edward softly said, "Alice sees Emmet and Rosalie coming home tomorrow. Emmet will probably want to talk to you."

Was there no end to the suffering I caused? I ruined our trip, Alice and Jasper's trip, and now Rosalie and Emmet's. Before you know it, Carlisle and Esme will be arriving just so they can comfort me. Even as a vampire, I still needed everyone's help. Am I really that weak?

_I am._

The realization hit me like a ton of bricks; suddenly, I knew what needed to happen:

Something had to change.


	3. Chapter 3: Igloos

Chapter 3: Igloos (Alice)

After I called the rest of my family to tell them about the Incident, as Bella called it, I sat down on the couch in the living room. Jasper sat down beside me. He was worried about Bella, and he was unsure if he had said the right things; the last thing he wanted was to make her feel worse or hurt her in any way. I didn't have to have Jasper's give to know this; he was my soul mate and I could read him like an open book.

I had seen his whole talk with Bella as soon as he decided to talk to her. If it wasn't such a serious matter, I probably would have laughed at it. For a brief moment my eyes glazed over and I appeared to stare into space.

_Emmet. He was in a room with many metal conveyer belts, all piled with luggage. His right arm was around Rosalie, who stood at his side. With his left arm he easily pulled the cart holding their luggage. They walked under an electronic sign:_

_Welcome to the Seattle-Tacoma International Airport_

_Baggage Claim area 2_

_Monday, June 29, 2009_

_Still pulling the luggage, Emmet kissed an irritated Rose on the cheek and whispered his apology again._

"_I know that you wanted to say until the end of July, Rosie, but Bella needs us!" he whispered into her ear._

"_I know, I know. But the rest of the family will be there for her. I doubt she wants to talk to me; we aren't the best of friends. Alice told us that she and Jasper are there and Jazz was helping her," she stubbornly told him._

_Sighing Emmet replied, "Rosie, I know. But I want to talk to Bella. I don't think she ever heard about the humans I killed!"_

"_Not here, Emmet! Someone might hear you."_

The vision faded out and a small smile played across Alice's lips.

"Alice sees Emmet and Rosalie coming home tomorrow. Emmet will probably want to talk to you," I heard Edward tell Bella upstairs.

Jasper's expression pained. "She's not happy. She feels guilty," Jazz muttered.

"Baby, I know. There is nothing we can do about it. You can send her a wave of peace so she doesn't feel guilty, but I don't think she wants that," I told him. He nodded.

Suddenly my eyes glazed over again.

_Everything was white, a soft powdery white… snow. Edward had his arm around Bella and was scowling at her._

"_Really, Bella, you expect us to stay here?" he asked with an exasperated sigh._

"_Yes, I do! I think it will be fun!" Bella insisted._

_Emmet walked in covered in snow silently and lobbed a snowball at Edward. Edward got hit in the back and growled menacingly. Emmet laughed. That send Edward over the edge and he pounced on Emmet, tackling him to the ground._

_As they continued their wrestling match, Jasper walked in and I gracefully skipped to Bella's side after him. Jasper grinned menacingly and concentrated his gaze on Emmet and Edward. Bella and I giggled._

"_Come on, Bella! I know you don't want to hurt anyone but you really think that going to this extreme will help?" an annoyed Rosalie asked as she walked into the vision._

"_I know it will!" Bella insisted._

"_Aw come one, Rose. Just go with it! It might be fun!" Emmet called from the middle of the wrestling match before Edward pummeled him into a snow drift._

My vision faded back into the present.

"What the…?" Edward and I both said in unison.

"Bella, what are you planning?" Edward asked suspiciously.

"What are you talking about?" Bella asked.

"Alice had a vision caused by a decision you just made. What did you decide?" he questioned.

"Wha-? I really don't know what you're talking about!" Bella insisted. I looked pointedly at Jasper.

"She's not lying. She honestly is confused," Jasper said. At that Edward decided against continuing to question her.

"Huh, she must have made the decision unconsciously. That makes it even more unlikely for it to change though. I wonder what that vision meant…" I pondered.

"What was the vision, Alice?" Jazz asked. Sometimes I forgot that he couldn't see my visions. I gave him all the details of our snowy future. Confusion was written all over his face.

"I have no idea. Try looking for another vision," he suggested. So I tried looking into the future again. I got a few changes in the stock market, and the news that Carlisle and Esme would be coming home, but I couldn't tell when. I tried harder to find a vision involving snow and I got another vision.

_Edward, Emmet, Jasper and Carlisle were holding large blocks of glass… glass? They were each stacking the blocks in different areas, each area forming what would be an enclosed circle if it weren't for the open space at side of the circle._

_Esme, Rosalie, Bella and I were all directing our spouses where to put the ice blocks._

"_No. Not there, Jasper! It will collapse if you put it there!" I screeched at him as he moved to put down a block of ice. Bella and Rosalie giggled a long with me and Esme looked at us like a mother watched her children having fun, with a mixture of amusement, pride and love_

_Rosalie was ordering Emmet around and he was willingly listening. Bella was adding a few suggestions here and there but Edward was mostly going off of my visions to see what would work._

_Eventually my head hurt so bad from so many changing visions that we all had to stop for a few moments. After a quick mental rest we had one couple working at a time while looked ahead to see how their work would turn out. The other couples went hunting._

_Everyone was finished except for Bella and Edward; they were almost done._

"_That's perfect, Edward. Put it right there. Great! We're done!" I said plopping down into a carved piece of ice shaped like a chair._

"_Edward! We have our own igloo! That's got to be a first," Bella exclaimed as she high fived Edward. He smiled half heartedly_

My vision faded back to the present and I stared wide-eyed at my husband.

"I think we are going to be moving again," I whispered in shock to Jasper.

"Alice, that doesn't explain your confusion. We move all the time."

"This time won't be like the other times; this time we are going to be living in…" I trailed off.

"In what, Alice?" Jasper asked calmly.

"Igloos," I muttered; my voice was voice barely audible, even to vampires.

"Igloos?" I simply nodded in response.

_Edward? _I thought. _Can we try and figure this out at some point, without Bella? Maybe Bella could go hunting with Jasper?_

I had a vision of Edward and me talking about my vision while Bella and Edward were no ware to be found.

Bella flew down the stairs, enjoying the freedom and privacy our home gave, her had in Edward's. Edward gave me a small little nod in acknowledgment to our silent conversation.

"Bella love, do you want to go hunting?" Edward asked politely. I gave Jasper a meaningful look.

"I'll go with you, Bella. I haven't hunted in a while!" Jasper piped in.

"Sure," said Bella with a sullen nod of her head.

Jasper stood up and Bella followed him out the door into the woods. Edward and I sat across from each other at the rarely used dining room table.

"So… what do you think it means?"


End file.
